As a family caregiver you desperately need regular breaks, yet your older adult absolutely refuses an in-home caregiver. What can you do?
It’s common for seniors to resist admitting they need help, even when they struggle with everyday tasks. Bringing up in-home care can be a sensitive topic, often leading to arguments or an immediate shutdown.
Your older adult might view it as a waste of money, an insult to their abilities, or an invasion of their privacy.
We’ve found excellent advice from the Family Caregiver Alliance, offering eight strategies to make this transition smoother.
There are helpful tips on how to overcome this challenge and make in-home care more acceptable for seniors – even if your loved one initially says no.
Here, we highlight the key points from their article and include additional insights and suggestions.
Strategies to Help Your Older Adult Accept In-Home Support
Start slowly and allow time for adjustment. Your older adult might need time to get used to the idea of having someone in their home. To ease this transition, begin slowly. Initially, have the aide come for only a few hours each week and focus on less personal tasks. Gradually increase the hours and add more tasks as your loved one becomes more comfortable with the idea and the caregiver.
Listen to your older adult’s fears and reasons for refusing in-home care.
Instead of immediately dismissing their objections, allow your older adult to express their feelings. They are more likely to cooperate when they feel heard and know their opinion matters. Understanding their concerns also helps you address those fears directly. Even better, involve them in the hiring process so they can help choose the person who will be caring for them.
Help them retain dignity by framing it as support for you, not just them.
If you present the idea of in-home care as something that will help you, rather than solely focusing on their needs, seniors might be more receptive. This approach can lessen the feeling that they are losing independence or are incapable.
Leverage the doctor’s authority by suggesting it’s a prescribed service.
Many older adults respect authority figures like doctors and may be more willing to accept home care if they believe their doctor has recommended it. You could mention that the doctor suggested it, create a simple “note,” or even ask the doctor’s office for a brief, informal note on their letterhead – whatever you think will be most effective.
Use housekeeping needs as a rationale.
Suggesting that you need help with housekeeping and other chores can be another way to introduce an in-home caregiver into the household. This subtly shifts the focus to your needs rather than theirs.
Consider framing it as a temporary arrangement.
Your older adult might find it more acceptable to try in-home care if they believe it’s only temporary. Once the caregiver becomes a part of their routine and they adjust to the idea, it may be easier to continue the services.
Introduce the caregiver as a friend.
Another approach is to introduce the in-home caregiver as a friend of yours who would appreciate some company. This can remove the stigma associated with needing help and help your loved one build trust with the caregiver.
If they aren’t directly paying, you might imply it’s a complimentary service.
If your older adult isn’t directly paying for in-home care, you could gently suggest that it’s a service being offered at no cost to them. This might make them more open to accepting the help, as they would be taking advantage of a “free” service.
Navigating the resistance to in-home care can be challenging, but by employing patience, understanding your loved one’s concerns, and creatively framing the introduction of a caregiver, you can gradually ease the transition. Remember to prioritize open communication, respect their dignity, and explore various approaches to find what resonates best with your older adult, ultimately allowing you to gain the essential breaks you need while ensuring their well-being.
By Paula Hill, Family Caregiver & Staff Writer for Family Caregivers Online
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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