For many caregivers, the most significant challenge isn’t the physical and medical demands of caring for someone; it’s the emotional and psychological impact on their own well-being. As caregivers adapt to the necessary changes for themselves, the person they care for, and other family members, they often grapple with a range of complex emotions.
While guilt is frequently reported by caregivers, other feelings like frustration, anxiety, and more are also common. Caregivers may find themselves wrestling with questions, consciously or unconsciously, such as: “Have I done enough?”, “Have I done too much?”, “What do I do now?”, “How can I keep going?”, “Why do I feel so alone/frustrated/ (or any number of thoughts and feelings)?”, and “Why can’t other family members see what needs to be done and offer help?” The answers to these questions can often feel out of reach as caregivers continue to navigate the demanding realities of their role.
Most caregivers also experience anger at some point. This anger might be directed at the care receiver due to past experiences, but it’s more often aimed at the situation, the disease, the feeling of helplessness, or the lack of control.
Knowing your limits and when the needs exceed them can be difficult. The thought, “I can handle this,” can quickly evolve into “I am overwhelmed” long before a caregiver acknowledges it. Frequently, this isn’t verbalized but manifests as irritability, anger, indecisiveness, and even illness in the caregiver. It’s not unusual for caregivers to become sicker than the person they are caring for. Numerous studies from organizations like the National Alliance for Caregiving, Family Caregiver Alliance, AARP, and various professional journals highlight how caregiving often affects the health of caregivers. One well-known study revealed that nearly half of surveyed caregivers stopped exercising after becoming a caregiver, and over half neglected their own healthcare. This tells us that many caregivers may be facing serious health issues because they aren’t prioritizing their own well-being. Consider this: what happens to the person you care for if you are no longer able to care for them or become ill yourself? Who is your backup plan?
Establishing limits or boundaries is crucial for ensuring that caregivers can continue to provide support and assistance. Caregivers often overlook or deny that there are limits to what they can and should do.
The definition of a “boundary” includes “a line marking the limits of an area” and “the limit of what is acceptable or possible.” “Limits” can be defined as “as far as something can go,” “restrict,” and “specify the parameters.”
While there’s no easy formula for knowing when to set a boundary or limit, as caregivers, we need to learn to trust our own intuition or what feels right. When you are consistently tired, irritable, and struggle with decision-making, it’s time to pay attention to your own needs!
There are many recommended strategies for caregivers to improve their self-care. Here are seven proven tips that have helped others in similar situations:
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What would you tell your best friend or someone you trust?
If someone else described your current situation to you, what advice would you offer? This technique helps you gain distance and become more objective. -
Ask yourself, “What do I need?”
Many caregivers never consider this question or believe it’s even possible to have their needs met given the demands of caregiving. However, addressing your own needs is not only acceptable but essential for maintaining your health as a caregiver. -
Write it down.
Putting your thoughts, needs, ideas, and plans in a journal, diary, or even a small notebook can be incredibly helpful. Writing can aid in clarifying your thoughts, processing emotions, and identifying necessary actions. Label your journal with your name and “confidential” to remind yourself and others to respect your privacy and encourage healthier boundaries and limits. -
Consider worst-case scenarios.
Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen if I don’t…?” Many caregivers maintain the same level of intensive care even as the person they are caring for recovers skills and abilities. Sometimes, these habits can inadvertently make the care receiver more dependent and less capable. -
Get help.
Specifically request assistance from other family members. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging to learn about available resources, including potential respite care and support for the person you are caring for. Speak with your loved one’s doctor about helpful resources. Additionally, reach out to nearby friends and neighbors or local religious organizations to explore potential support networks. -
Go to the doctor yourself.
Caregivers often neglect their own routine health checkups, which can have serious consequences. -
Schedule some exercise time.
Despite the common belief that there isn’t enough time, incorporating exercise can significantly improve a caregiver’s overall quality of life and their ability to provide care by increasing energy levels and mental clarity.
Remember, caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s vital to identify strategies that allow you to care for your loved one while also balancing the demands of caregiving with the other important aspects of your life.
By Zanda Hilger, LPC, Family Caregiver & Program Manager for Family Caregivers Online
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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